20. Here we are again. Ready to begin

Mama S here. It has been 3 months since we decided to go with the new agency. We are very close to being licensed and taking an infant into our home. It has been a long journey. First, we had to work with the new agency and getting almost ALL the paperwork again. Our previous agency was not gracious in letting us go and refused to hand over our packet. What they did hand over was redacted and was missing key pieces. That lack of co-operation solidified our decision. That was not the agency for us. Secondly, we had to work with Patrick. He met with the shy dog specialist and a few times and it was determined that it would be safe to bring an infant into our home and continue to work with him on training. He loves being a working dog and is thriving with the tips/techniques that we were given. Thirdly, we moved our wedding up 9 months. We did this out of fear that if we waited that we would not be able to legally get married. It was less stressful to move our wedding up 9 months than to wait a year in a state of constant fear and panic.

Where does that leave us? Less than 60 days from our wedding with an agency that has been supportive of our wants and needs the whole way. There has been no pressure to expand our age range and in fact, the only encouragement was to take in older children for respite as we are able. That is something we are more than comfortable with.

We are assuming that we will be licensed within the next month (we have been putting off meetings due to wedding things and waiting for silly Iowa to send back my background check!) with the hope that we have a child in our home within the next 6. We recognize that we are looking for a specific child and that we will more than likely have to wait for that child to come along.

The room is ready and our hearts are open. We will keep you posted when our home grows from two to three, for however long we are privileged to call that child ours.

With love,

Mama S

19. Moving Forward

It has been 2 months since Mama A and I shared an update on our story. To be honest, we needed to heal. We needed to heal from the pain of losing our little guy. Heal from the pain of embarking on a journey that turned our lives upside down without the support we were promised. Connect as a couple and discuss our future and what that would look like. Would we be done fostering? Were we done as parents? Would we get pregnant ourselves? Would we take a few years off? What were we going to do.Read More »

17. Saying Goodbye

Dear V,

Know that you were fought for. The first home you came into when you left your parent’s home loved you dearly. We enlisted the help of advocates, reached out to supervisor’s supervisors, we sent so many emails, and in the end it wasn’t enough. You were made to leave our home. When you left, you took the biggest pieces of our hearts we had. Your smile brightened our days and your tears tugged at our heart strings. We celebrated the smallest of achievements and adjusted our lives to bend to meet your needs and for your well-being. Was it hard? Yes. You are worth it. You are worth every tear, every moment of angst we experienced when trying to keep you, the biggest heartbreak we have ever experienced. You are worth it all. Don’t forget to celebrate the little things with your big smile and clapping. The world is hard and you deserve to celebrate those wins. We will miss you every day and think of you often. We are thankful for what you have brought into our lives and the love you were also so willing to give.

Never forget you deserve the world and that you were fought for.

All the love in the world,

Mama S


16. And then there were none

How do you choose between your dog and your foster son? How do you make a permanent decision in an situation that could be very temporary? How do you choose who to displace? Some may say that the decision would be easy. The dog would have to go. Others would say that their dog is family and the decision is harder. For us, it was the hardest decision we have had to make as a couple. Read More »

14. Why does he keep hitting himself?

“Why are you hitting yourself?” I’ve found myself asking this question out loud and following it up with an empathetic look and a “It’s OK if you are having big feelings. Big hugs to help you feel better.”  We have had the privilege/ sadness to see first hand what childhood trauma does to developing brains. It changes these kiddos in big ways that are hard to understand. I have found myself reading everything I can get my hands on to help me understand what is happening to this little man we have in our care. I was reading on the www.ntscm.org page and this quote explained things clearly:Read More »